


Soulmate for Christmas

by WinterIronCap



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, Missed Chances, Non-Con Body Modification through Torture, Soulmate marks, Soulmate name marks, Thumb Hole Sweaters, Too Angsty for a Christmas fic, mentions of torture, no beta reading, no graphic depictions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27976971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterIronCap/pseuds/WinterIronCap
Summary: Bucky lost his soulmate name from his body. Everyone assumed Tony didn't have one. Late night conversations clear up the confusion.Supposed to be a Christmas fic. I swear it was.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Comments: 15
Kudos: 254





	Soulmate for Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: HYDRA evilness is discussed here, including why Bucky lost his mark. I don't want to trigger anyone so while I feel like I didn't go into details, if something like this is hard for you to read, possibly skip this work of mine.

Bucky shivered as he exited the elevator, the lingering feel of his nightmare clinging to his mind desperately. He slowly entered the communal living room, drawn to the crackling fire in the fireplace. Moving to crouch before the fire, he paused when he caught sight of a figure leaning up against one of the floor to ceiling windows, staring out into the snowy night. The lights from the team decorated Christmas tree highlighted the pale skin, identifying the figure as their resident genius, Tony Stark.

“Tony?” Bucky whispered, feeling bad about breaking the peaceful silence.

“Hey Robocop,” Tony smiled over at him tentatively, obviously fake as the smile did not reach his eyes.

“You alright doll?” Bucky questioned, striding over to sit in front of the younger male, leaning against the window as he gazed at him. 

“Yah,” Tony responded, forehead pressed against the window. “It’s just...this time of year.”

“I’m surprised it’s so quiet honestly,” Bucky told him, extending his leg to poke Tony with his toes. “I’ve heard all about the legendary Stark Christmas Parties.”

“Those stopped when the team moved in,” Tony explained to him, massaging Bucky’s foot absentmindedly. Tony was snuggled in a fluffy sweater, palms covered as his thumbs were poking out through the thumb holes, the softness of the cuffs running over Bucky’s bare feet. “I thought-“

“What? You thought what?” Bucky questioned as the genius paused, eyes clouding with sadness and an emotion that Bucky tried to identify but his brain refused to believe.

“Nothing,” Tony whispered after a moment, gentle fingers moving away from Bucky’s foot as his mind caught up with his actions. A light flush coloured his cheeks as he pulled away, knees coming up to press against his chest as he wrapped his arms around them protectively.

“No, come on doll,” Bucky urged. “What were you gonna say?”

“It’s stupid,” Tony protested weakly. Bucky just raised an eyebrow at the genius, patiently waiting him out. “I thought that when the team moved in, I wouldn’t need the parties anymore. Having them here, I expected it to be more…like having a family during the holidays. I’m happy that they all found their soulmates and I understand that they want to spend Christmas with each other but...it’s not what I expected.”

“What about your soulmate?” Bucky asked curiously. “I know it ain’t proper to ask but a stand up guy like you, anyone would be proud to call ya theirs doll. Seems strange to me that you’re still alone.”

Tony’s eyes looked pained, looking down at his right hand and clenching it tightly before pressing it to his chest. Bucky took the hint that he may have crossed a line so didn’t ask again. He tilted his head back, eyes trailing over the ceiling as he started talking in a haunted voice.

“You know HYDRA doesn’t believe in soulmates? They see them as a weakness, a way for their soldiers to be exploited and so they do their utmost to remove that connection.” Bucky mused.

“No offence but the organization that put that steel monstrosity that they called an arm in you and systematically brainwashed then turned you into a popsicle, knowing that they didn’t really care for soulmates, that’s not a big shocking surprise Tasty Freeze.” Tony smirked sardonically, his gentle tone showing that he didn’t mean the words to offend.

Bucky snorted, glancing over at Tony before turning to the window to watch the snowfall. “I had a soulmate,” he whispered, not noticing Tony’s eyes widening in shock. “I remember the vague feeling of how happy I was when I got the name. It was on my right palm.”

Slowly pushing up his sleeve, Bucky’s metal fingers ran over his scarred right palm. “I remember how angry Pierce was when he found out. It was one of the only times I remember clearly, no amount of erasing could take that memory away. The way he looked down at my hand in disgust, ordering the doctors to use any means necessary to remove the writing, even if it meant cutting off my other arm.”

“Luckily, the doctor found another way,” Bucky scoffed. “Seems like they didn’t want to build another ‘steel monstrosity’. They decided to remove it other ways. They tried cutting off the words but thanks to the serum they kept coming back. Burning them off only worked for a few days but that kept regrowing and healing too. So they combined the two methods, forcing me to watch as they cut my fella’s name off and then burned it off, permanently.”

“Bucky,” His name was ripped out of Tony’s throat as the younger man stared at him, eyes filled with unshed tears. “I-I don’t know what to say-I’m-I-“ Tony bit his lip, moving over to cradle Bucky’s hand in between his own, finger pads gently running over the raised skin.

“Oh doll, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad-“ Bucky’s voice cut off as Tony bent his head down to run his lips over Bucky’s palm. 

“Doll,” Bucky used his hand to tilt up Tony’s face, metal fingers tracing over his cheek to wipe the gathering tears. “Didn’t want ya cryin sweet thing.”

“You shouldn’t have had to go through any of that,” Tony whispered, unable to raise his voice any more due to the weight settled in his throat, slowly strangling him.

“None of us should have the lives we do Tony,” Bucky smiled at the genius. “We just learn to roll with the hands that fate deals us.

“Well fate is a shitty ass dealer,” Tony grumbled.

A surprised burst of laughter escaped from Bucky as he squeezed Tony’s hand gently. The genius shifted so that he was leaning his back against the glass, looking over at the still crackling fire making the shadows dance around the room.

“I got my soulmate's name when I was pretty young,” Tony admitted, not looking over when Bucky’s head snapped to look at him in surprise. Tony knew and even encouraged the rumours saying that he had no name or that he didn’t look up his soulmate on purpose for his own gain. “Thankfully it was in an easily hidden spot, it was easy to say I never got one. Can’t imagine what my dad would have said if he found out my fate was to have a dead soulmate, probably would have said this is another thing I can’t do properly.”

“Howard was a dick,” Bucky growled lowly so as not to interrupt Tony. 

“Ain’t that the truth,” Tony smirked. “I always wondered what it would have been like if he was alive. We missed having so many things together, him and I. Holidays, birthdays, those annoying couple anniversaries.”

Bucky smiled sadly at Tony’s wistful tone, gripping his hand in comfort. He never expected Tony to open up to him like this, the two of them were hardly close. In a way it made sense though, the knowledge that both of them had missed out on their soulmates just because fate had decided to screw them over in that department.

“You know,” Tony whispered, eyes focused on the fireplace as he started speaking again, unable to look at Bucky for some reason. “Some scholars think that the positioning of our soulmate name is significant. A place that becomes significant, the first place you two touch, a significant place in each other’s lives.”

Bucky hummed thoughtfully as the seemingly random segue Tony had gone on. He’d learned early on that the genius was often thinking twenty minutes ahead into the conversation so what seemed random always made perfect sense to him. “What do you think it means?”

Tony sighed forlornly after a minute, pulling his hand out Bucky’s loose grip to wrap around his raised calves, pushing his knees further into his chest as his right hand rested on them. “I think...I think that when I discovered my soulmate was actually alive, I hoped it would be the first place he would touch. I thought those years of wearing thumb hole sleeves were finally over, that I could touch my hand to his face and run the imprint of his name over his cheek. What actually happened was different.”

Bucky’s eyes were widening slowly as Tony kept talking, decidedly not looking at his ice grey eyes as he finished his thought. “Instead of a first caress, my first touch was through a metal gauntlet. Instead of gentle feelings, I had to hold back a gun from shooting me. Instead of recognition, I saw only a desire to kill from the man I had spent my life thinking was dead, thinking would never be mine.”

Bucky shuddered at the pain in Tony’s voice, the hidden dreams all destroyed that Tony was clearly reliving but Bucky didn’t dare breathe, didn’t dare move on the off chance that Tony would stop. “After that fight...after that meeting, I thought things would change. He slowly started remembering his life, I thought for sure he would come see me, ask me, anything. But...it never happened, now I know why but...you never came.”

Bucky didn’t say anything as he watched Tony for a minute, waiting to see if he needed to say anything else. Seeing the younger male shutting down, Bucky slowly reached out with his hand, broadcasting his movements as Tony turned to watch the hand move closer. He wrapped his fingers around Tony’s wrist, slowly pulling his arm out as he moved to cradle the precious hand in between his own. Slowly, he moved the fuzzy sleeve to pull out Tony’s thumb from the hole before pushing it down to display the black writing on his palm. 

There it was, in bold black colours. 

**James Buchanan** **_Bucky_** **Barnes**

Bucky traced a gentle finger over the flowing script reverently, his breath gushing out of his lungs in a harsh breath, unable to believe what he was seeing. “Tony…” he whispered in wonder, bending his head to brush gentle lips to Tony’s palm. “Oh doll, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-“

“Bucky what-“ Tony gasped, shivering at the feeling of the warm air caressing the skin of his palm as Bucky kept apologizing. 

“I’m so sorry doll, so sorry sweet thing,” Bucky pleaded, eyes catching Tony’s. “I caused you so much pain love, so much hurt all these years-“

“Aw honey no, no Bucky. That wasn’t your fault, you didn’t know,” Tony assured him, hand gently caressing Bucky’s cheek. “I didn’t tell you to make you feel guilty, maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, I just got carried away.”

“No sweet thing, no, you didn’t do anything wrong. Thank you for telling me, for trusting me.” Bucky smiled at him, hands reaching up to cradle Tony’s hand between his again. 

“Can we...can we just like, start over?” Tony whispered pleadingly. “I’m so tired of all these secrets, all this loneliness...I just want to try being with you, just want to make up for some of the time we lost.”

“Nothing in this world would make me happier doll, nothing,” Bucky promised earnestly, bringing Tony’s hand up to press a gentle kiss to the back before he moved up to his knees to get closer to the huddled male. “Thank you for giving me a chance, sweet thing, thank you,” Pressing his lips to Tony’s forehead, Bucky kept up the gentle whispers as he pressed their foreheads together.

“Bucky?” Tony whispered softly.

“Yeah doll?” 

“Merry Christmas.”


End file.
